SNUGGLE No, this not an article about Snuggle, the fabric softener. Though, I do love to use it when I wash our sheets and comforters. I love the white lavender and sandalwood scented one. (I hope my brothers don’t read this otherwise I’m going to hear some name calling) Well, the Snuggle I’m talking about is the good one you want to do with your significant other. Everybody loves cuddling with that special loved one, don’t t...
I haven’t written an article in so long it’s like I don’t know how to start (Okay I wrote one already this year but just go with it) To make a long story short I died in a dream I had last night. A friend of mine always used to tell me when we were younger that if you died in your dream it meant you were dead in real life. Like if you dreamt you were falling from a cliff and you didn’t wake up before you landed you would die. I would...
It's a New Year. I never give New Year's much thought. Fuck resolutions and all that bullshit. I don't have time for them. Don't get me wrong I have no problems with other people who make a list of them for the upcoming year with your "I'm going to quit" somethings. I'm going to quit smoking, drinking, overeating, being an asshole, etc. etc. etc. Why wait until now to start? Why wait to fucking January? Why because that month starts with a J? Then why didn't you start last July? I had a...
Balloon Would you go up in a hot air balloon? Which is more scarier, a hot air balloon ride or a helicopter ride? I twice been in a helicopter and had no problems at all. I do know I would like to ride in a hot air balloon but I would be afraid. I have problems with heights. I can ride any roller coaster. Doesn’t matter how high, how fast or how many loops I love it but I’m scared to ride giant ferris wheels. _____________________________...
I decided to write a very important article. Maybe the most important article of 2008. Maybe ever. Since I not one to write serious blogs about politics, religion or current events you’re probably asking yourselves why I’m writing it and not someone else who is better at those kind of articles. You asked a great question. Why indeed am I writing it? Let’s look at my blog here at JU. I been a member here since June 17, 2005, and this will be my 54 th...
I decided to write a very important article. Maybe the most important article of 2008. Maybe ever. Since I not one to write serious blogs about politics, religion or current events you’re probably asking yourselves why I’m writing it and not someone else who is better at those kind of articles. You asked a great question. Why indeed am I writing it? Let’s look at my blog here at JU. I been a member here since June 17, 2005, and this will be my 54 th...
Rod, the nihilistic pilgarlic Went to the bar quick, Feeling like scree being nudged. If you’re gonna be a quidnunc , He wanted to get drunk, Because of what he did with the odious Italian judge. He was married to Vera, a virago , And I sure even my Ma knows, They can be damn lippy. A walking doryphore , Talking more than a whore, A 100% xanthippe . They had a bobblehead boy, A real hobblede...
As usual I’m late to the party, and as usual I’m breaking some of the rules, and as usual my stories are sucktacular. (Thanks for the word, SC) Disgruntled matadors Are tired of bullshit. Sleepy King honoring medieval soldier, Calls it a Knight. Levee broke. Girlfriend left. Damn dyke. Lincoln was warned about an assassin’s bullet, But it went in one ear and out the ot...
I should be President because I have so many outstanding qualities of other great Presidents. It’s uncanny the similarities. Here are my top 12 qualities I shared with other Presidents. 1. The perfect teeth of George Washington. 2. The durability to remain in office of William Henry Harrison. 3. The model-like looks of Abraham Lincoln. 4. The dynamic personality of Chester A. Arthur. 5. The svelte body of Willi...
They have been missing for days, A family disappeared without a clue, The whole town has been fazed, And the police don't know what to do. Do you know how easy it was to excute my plan? It's because I'm fucking perfect, I took, stole the whole damn clan, Without this chef ever being a suspect. Volunteers have joined in the search, Even the Feds have climb aboard, And the good people of the church, Have even o...
Dear Whoever or Whomever (which is it? Like I should care right now) Here I am writing a letter wanting my voice to be heard. I’m going to die today or I should say every person on the planet is going to die today. War is coming. We aren’t fighting another country. We are fighting another planet . Yes, you heard me right. Remember all those books, TV shows and movies that showed other life forms invading our planet? Well, it’s abo...
Here it is in the year 2112, So what's the big Rush?, We all wanna ride, On the next space bus. No need for a long explanation, I will be terse, We can now visit any planet, In our universe. Trips only take minutes, The longest an hour flight, In fact our lowest gear, Is the speed of light. You can travel anywhere, From Mercury to Mars, And they say in 10 years, We'll all have space cars. ...
I don’t know how I got here at Mick Jaggar’s lawyer’s office. Well, I do but … Let me start at the beginning. Last month, I had been playing poker a lot online but I wanted to play in live tournaments so I flew to L.A. to play a few tournaments at the Commerce casino. I entered one and had been playing all day making the final table. In fact, I had made it to the final three players, which meant at least a 6-figure payday, when I heard a familiar v...
He always wanted a house of glass, A fancy one on the beach, But he wasn't from the upper class , So he figured it was out of reach. Karma made him win the Lotto, Thankfully he's a Buddhist. Bought the house so now he can model, Yes, he's also a nudist. His need for people to see him nude, Is like a drug for a junkie, He doesn't think it's a bit crude, For folks to see his monkey. It's why he got this see-t...
My dove flew high. Coo! Don't know what else to say, so... I'll just say Hi. Cool?