Okay this is officially my first blog. I don't really know if it belongs in the 'humor' section but at least I thought it was funny. If it should be in another section, sorry about that. Yesterday I went and got my haircut. I needed a haircut desperately too, considering I looked like a combination of Cousin Itt and Don King. I went to the place where I got my haircut last. Not because I recently moved here so I don't know of any other place. But because after my last haircut the woman wh...
I'm fed up with 'em!! FED UP!! They tie us down! They strap us in! ... keepin' us from circulating!! ... tryin' to control us!! ... leavin' us no room to move! NO ROOM AT ALL!!! Damn, they really chafe my ass! And those particular ones who try to squeeze you by the balls! BY THE BALLS!!! But, us men, still love them. Yep, we do. Can't live with 'em ... can't live without 'em. I feel better now. Thanks for listening. BTW ... I hope you kno...
Recently, when I first moved here, I got my phone service through my cable company. It was digital and cheap. Well, cheaper than I used to pay. But to tell you the truth, I didn't care what phone I got, I just wanted what I grown to love -my sweet sweet cable. It turns out I should've paid attention to the phone service. I was supposed to have unlimited local and long distance, but sadly that varies day to day. I could call Mexico all I wanted but couldn't call Ohio. Plus if I tried gettin...
I bet it happens quite often. Much more than we realize. Here's my latest 'misheard' story. The other day my brother and my mother were discussing movies. My mother had just bought the movie "Crash", and was asking my brother if he seen it. She said she liked it, which if you knew my mother, would be somewhat of a shock. My mother's movie taste is more like a guy's. She loves action on top of action. Her philosophy is: Less talk more action. If somebody hasn't fought, been shot at, been ch...
How much does music play into our lives? Isn't there certain songs that bring back memories? While channel surfing on the radio, on the way home from running errands, I hear the Chris Isaak song "Wicked Games". I have always referred to it as the "I Don't Want To Fall in Love" song. And you know how songs can bring back memories. It brought back this memory. It was late July of 2004. It was a typical Midwestern summer day, which meant it was 90 degrees and humid as hell, which meant I was ...
Sunday night while watching television, my GF asked me if I noticed anything about her socks. I'm pretty proud of myself, despite watching "Desperate Housewives", more specifically Eva Longoria, I did notice that she had on two different socks. Now had it been Salma Hayek on the screen I might not had notice if one foot was bare and the other in a clown shoe. It wasn't as bad as she thought. Both were white, the same length and since the only difference was the color stitching at the toes...
Saturday night my GF's family took us out to dinner for her birthday. We all went to a buffet place. With her family and us there was 11 of us. I have met all of her family before so this article isn't about meeting them for the first time. When I was in line waiting to get a fat juicy medium rare steak, I saw something that made me have a flashback. Some years back while living in Buffalo, I was at another buffet place, the reason? I was meeting for the first time the parents of the woman...
Here are some jokes my brother sent in a e-mail last year. SANTA'S BAD DAY One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to har...
It must've been the way I slept, but I woke up this morning with a big stiff one. Maybe it was the way I had the pillows last night. I couldn't even turn, everytime I did I felt pain. A sharp pain. I haven't felt pain from it being stiff in a long time. My GF even offered to massage it for me, but I turned her down. Yes, guys, I turned her down. Getting a massage for a stiff NECK does not help. It actually hurts. My neck was so sore. Maybe I slept with the pillows too high. I couldn't even...
Looking at the paper to see what's playing at the dollar movies I see the movie "The Fog". A remake of John Carpenter's 1980 movie. It got me thinking of my experience with "The Fog". Several years ago a friend and I decided to enjoy some nightlife after work. We worked in a small town that had one really happening place. So of course we head there first. When we get there it's not crowded at all, in fact it's almost dead. Immediately we're bummed. Where's all the women? We then head fo...
When I was a mere lad I always wanted facial hair. A cool moustache or a finely trimmed beard. The thought of shaving, to me, was the coolest. When I turned 13 my moustache started slowly coming in and my chin had a few hairs. Not exactly a beard though. In fact, if you were more than 5 feet away you would have thought it was a food stain from lunch or dinner. Let's just say I could have used a cat to shave. Fast forward to present day and how I miss my younger days. I'm sick sick sick of ...
As we get nearer to Halloween I'm seeing more and more ads for Haunted Houses. I'm really not a fan of them. It's not that I'm scared, I just never had great experiences at them. When I was 12, some of my friends and I went to a Haunted House. It was fun until the little sister of one of my friends threw up all over my new shoes. They should have put that in their ad, "Our house is so scary you'll puke on someone's shoes". When I was 15 I was excited about Halloween. I was going to wor...
Here is what happened to me one day last week. Before I get to my rants. Let me start by saying when I get frustrated at traffic jams, grocery stores or wherever one of my favorite things to say is "COME ON!" I usually follow it with "What the Hell is going on?" or "Can't people drive in this town" or "Jesus! I don't believe this". My first rant. I'm driving down the road. No cars in front of me no cars behind me I'm the only car going in my direction. Yet a driver decides to pull out ...
How do you act when a stranger says "Hi"? Do you say "Hi" back? Do you ignore the person? When it's a nice day out and I'm feeling in a great fun mood I like saying "Hi" to people as I'm running errands. Since I drive 99% of the time I'm honking my horn at people walking or people waiting for the bus. I'm waving and telling them, "Hey ! How you doing?" or "Hey hey! What do you say?" Most people wave back with a look on their face that is saying, "Who in the Hell was that?!" I guess th...
Locamama tagged me. So here are my 5 embarrassing moments. I don't know if it's my 5 most embarrassing moments but they are the first 5 that came to mind. If I can still think of them years later I think it says something. Saying that though I hope you take even my sad ones as me being okay with them. As embarrassing it may have been to me I do hope you enjoy reading them. EMBARRASSING MOMENT #1 - I was in the 3rd grade, and in the finals of the spelling bee. I not only was scared of spel...