Published on August 20, 2006 By uDigItTheMost In Blogging
This blog is inspired by Dr. Guy's Real Democracy article and Little Whip's Label one.

I'm not a regular here. I came in here about 14 months ago, and mostly read a lot of different articles by a lot of different bloggers before attempting to write my first. There are many in here who write interesting, thought-provoking, entertaining and/or funny blogs, and in those articles we form an idea of who the author is. We then base an opinion on the author solely on their writings. Either from an article and his or her comments on their or someone else's blog. But is that fair?

The reason I ask is we can't hear the tone of voice in which the writer is writing. So we could easily misinterpret their comments as negative or hostile if said writer's articles were also viewed as such. I think if one can write well, chances are, they are way more than one dimensional, and should be treated as such.

Just because a person writes a rant, should we think they are that way all the time? Should we think they are "out of it" if we don't agree with their rants? We must remember everyone is different. We all don't act or react alike. We all have bad days where our actions may be ours, but don't define who we are.

Just because you handle your emotions one way doesn't mean the person who doesn't do it your way is wrong. Nor does it make you wrong. It only means people are different in so many different ways. Differences shouldn't be feared or disliked. They should be welcomed because, to me, the more you know and accept those differences, the better you become. Not only as a writer, but as a person.

Like I said earlier, I mostly read when I first came here. It actually became addicting. I seen arguments. I seen young bloggers trying to make their mark. I seen excellent written articles not only on the forums, but off the forums as well. Did I form opinions on these writers? Probably so. Was it the right opinion? Probably not.

For example, when I first read Little Whip's articles and comments I didn't like her. I thought to myself, "Who does she think she is?. See, based on a few blogs and comments from her, I already had in a way pre-judged her. Was I basing my opinion on Sabrina or on the Little Whip persona? Or was I basing it on a person I met in my past that maybe had one characteristic of Little Whip?

I think it was the latter. I didn't know Sabrina or Little Whip so why should I take a harsh view towards her, especially from words she wrote. The words weren't directed at me, and I didn't know the history between her and the person she was disagreeing with. So if her words really annoyed me it had to be something inside of me. Maybe it took me back to a place where someone talked to me in such a way. Maybe I was too young and scared to defend myself against a bigger and stronger foe. Maybe I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone do it to me again. Maybe I wanted to beat the hell out of my tormentor, but since I don't see them I look for someone anyone who remind me of them. Either way it's my dilemma. I would be a complete fool to hate someone new for a problem I had in the past.

I read Little Whip's articles now with an open mind. In fact, I do with all fellow bloggers. Do I agree with everything she writes? Of course not, but I do try to see things from all angles, and I know when I do disagree it's because I disagree and not because I dislike her for a comment she made in 2005. In my opinion, she's nowhere near as bad as everyone thinks. Under her rough exterior lies someone with a big heart.

Before someone thinks I'm defending Little Whip or that we are friends or I'm trying to get in her good graces let me say this, I'm defending everyone. LW and I are not friends, which doesn't mean I dislike her. It only means we don't know each other. There's many here I don't know, but still enjoy reading. I didn't write this blog to get in LW's or anyone else's good graces. I think anyone who is honest and respectful in what they write would be enough for her and anyone else.

The whole point of my article is before you decide to dislike someone here strictly because of a comment or two you should ask yourselves if it's really them you despise or something deeper in your past. Just because a person may have one characteristic of someone you disliked doesn't mean he or she is the same person. Give them the benefit of the doubt before judging so harshly. Who knows, you may get a friend from it, and you can never have too many of them.

Comments (Page 1)
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on Aug 20, 2006
It can be hard sometimes to create a mental image of a person from a few comments or articles. I personally never liked LW, I always thought she was unnecessarily harsh. But over time I came to a different understanding of her and her writing, especially after she had left for a while and then returned. I think it was because upon her return I read her stuff with a little different attitude myself. We often inject something of ourselves into what we read of others.

There are a few people here that I flatly do not like as far as what they present of themselves here. Most of the people here I dare say don't show us all of their true selves and we can only go by what they do show. There are others that I do like, in so far as what they show here.

I doubt we ever get a full picture of anyone here. Some of us are a bit more open than others in what we choose to reveal of ourselves. I am one who is just being myself for good, bad, or damned annoying, and so are some others. Some I suspect present a persona completely different from who they really are. Such is the nature of the blogosphere.

Regardless, we do tend to develop likes and dislikes for our fellow bloggers. We are all human after all.

Well, most of us anyway.
on Aug 20, 2006
Insightful read. I know that I have changed my views on some people in here (mostly good). I am glad I have stuck around enough to get to know them on a deeper level (and here's hoping that I continue to do so).
on Aug 20, 2006

Quite an insightful article and good reading.

You bring up very important points to try to remember,  as we haven't even, for the most part, even met the other bloggers out there!  You're so right,  bloggers can have a "way of writing" that might characterize someone we've known that has hurt us,  or maybe how they write sounds like someone that just plain gets under our skin.

I doubt that anyone here can be truly known and understood by words on a screen.  Even our daily encounters with friends and family can leave us wondering how much we know of THEM!  In fact,  how much do we know OURSELVES?!   hopefully we're always changing and growing as individuals,  in school ( vo-tech) it was called "Growth and Human Development"~  certainly a Sunday worth remembering....on this side of the fence

on Aug 20, 2006
In fact, how much do we know OURSELVES?!

I know myself perfectly.

Wait, what's this lump????
on Aug 20, 2006
Great blog Chris! You're right in what you say too. Sometimes it is difficult to really gauge how someone really feels about you. It's hard to tell sometimes by just reading. Trying to know them through their writing isn't the easiest. For some it is, knowing them that is, for others, it isn't because as you and M mentioned, they don't show their true selves.

I can't imagine why someone would want to develop another personality online. Then again, I don't think that way so I guess I would have a hard time with it.


I understand the part about not liking someone at first. I didn't necessarily not like anyone, I actually felt some didn't like me. My personality might be perceived as too much at times, especially since I talk so much!! I'm just a loud mouth, that's all I have to say! hehehe

I definately don't go where I'm not wanted. No need to be shunned on line as well. Like M mentioned, we are human after all.
on Aug 21, 2006
MasonM

---I am one who is just being myself for good, bad, or damned annoying, and so are some others.---

Nothing wrong with being yourself.

---Regardless, we do tend to develop likes and dislikes for our fellow bloggers. We are all human after all. ---

I agree. I know everyone has bloggers they like and dislike. I wouldn't mind at all if someone disliked me as long as the reason they disliked me was accurate.

---Well, most of us anyway.---

on Aug 21, 2006
InBloom:
---Insightful read. I know that I have changed my views on some people in here (mostly good). I am glad I have stuck around enough to get to know them on a deeper level (and here's hoping that I continue to do so).---

I know I changed my views on some people, too. Sometimes I wish I could get in here more often to not only read, but comment as well.

Trudy:
---Quite an insightful article and good reading.---

Thank you, Trudy.

---You bring up very important points to try to remember, as we haven't even, for the most part, even met the other bloggers out there! You're so right, bloggers can have a "way of writing" that might characterize someone we've known that has hurt us, or maybe how they write sounds like someone that just plain gets under our skin.---

When you do get upset remembering is hard sometimes.

---I doubt that anyone here can be truly known and understood by words on a screen. Even our daily encounters with friends and family can leave us wondering how much we know of THEM!---

But with family and friends you can see their facial expressions, hear the tone in their voices and hear the silences between their sentences. If you are close to your family and friends you come to know what it all means. Maybe not all the time but more often than not.
on Aug 21, 2006
foreverserenity:
---Great blog Chris!---

Thank you, Donna!

---I understand the part about not liking someone at first. I didn't necessarily not like anyone, I actually felt some didn't like me. My personality might be perceived as too much at times, especially since I talk so much!! I'm just a loud mouth, that's all I have to say! hehehe---

I can't imagine somewhat not liking you here. I never seen you go out of your way to be hostile towards anyone. In here I don't think you're loud at all. But I will reserve judgement on it in real life until I get the scoop from your husband and friends. Though I did hear guys love your "sweaty smell".

---I definately don't go where I'm not wanted. No need to be shunned on line as well. Like M mentioned, we are human after all.---

I know what you mean. There are a couple blogs here that I left comments on only to be ignored. I thought that maybe they didn't see my comments. So I try leaving new comments on their new articles only to be shunned again.

It's no fun being disliked for no reason. Hell, I rather give them reasons to hate me.
on Aug 21, 2006
Damn fine and insightful article - you study psycholgogy`(spell?) by any chance?

I have not read any of your articles prior to this one, but will now look out for them and read them.
You come across (in this article)as a very level headed, sensible person, who feels for those that make mistakes etc. Compassion and understanding of others are desirable qualities to have. (says she that despises men LOL)


quote ---- The reason I ask is we can't hear the tone of voice in which the writer is writing. So we could easily misinterpret their comments as negative or hostile if said writer's articles were also viewed as such. I think if one can write well, chances are, they are way more than one dimensional, and should be treated as such.----
end quote

This is so true (tone of voice).

I enjoyed your read
on Aug 21, 2006

Wait, what's this lump????

It's a man boob!

YOu are right Udigit.  We only know people here by how much they want to share here on JU.  But is that not unlike our neighbors as well?  Most of my neighbors dont air their laundry in public, so all we know of them is what they chose to share.

The differnce is that with our neighbors, there is a physical connection, where as here, there is only a mental one.

on Aug 21, 2006
Wait, what's this lump????


As long as you have the same thing on the other side of your body, you're probably fine.


Very good article, by the way. I do enjoy a bit of psychology now and again...and you have some good thought provoking points. I've never really, "not liked" anyone on here...besides some trolls and flamers...but they eventually pass. I just stay out the way if two bloggers are fighting it out. In fact, I've never blacklisted anyone...although I may be guilty of prejudging some people...I still usually read their articles and usually they change from the one dimensional view I might have seen in one or two of their articles. With continued reading, you may see the author as a more three dimensional or real person...with many different facets of their personality instead of the crazy ranting they do or plain craziness in some cases. It's basically just like meeting people in person...but a bit more tricky.

~Zoo
on Aug 22, 2006
jennifer1:

---Damn fine and insightful article - you study psycholgogy`(spell?) by any chance?---

Thanks, Jennifer. No, I did not study psychology, but maybe I should have laid on some couches.

---I have not read any of your articles prior to this one, but will now look out for them and read them.
You come across (in this article)as a very level headed, sensible person, who feels for those that make mistakes etc. Compassion and understanding of others are desirable qualities to have. (says she that despises men LOL)---

Well to be honest, this is probably my only serious article. I think I got my level headness from mediating many family squabbles from as early as my early teen years. Thanks for your kind words.
on Aug 22, 2006
Little Whip:

---Good article, Udig, and thanks for the mention.---

Thanks, Whip. I was hoping you would see the article. I used you not only because my first impression of you was what I said, but also because it seems out of all the bloggers here you may have the most opinions about you by other bloggers. It seems people either really like you or really dislike you.

---I had no idea you harbored such negative feelings towards me, hehe---

Well Hell, when you say it like that you make it sound bad.

---You raised some important facts, one of which is that many people are unaware of various bloggers' history with each other. Often, what seems to be an attack that came out of the blue is really part of an ongoing dispute between two people, sometimes going back years. And just as often, innocuous looking articles contain many veiled (and snotty) references that aren't obvious to a third party who is unaware of that history.---

Which is why I never get in between anyone arguing in here. Sometimes though in real life when someone takes someone's side against me without even know what the whole argument is it turns out that particular person never cared what the disagreement was, he or she just wanted any excuse to attack me because they just plain disliked me. And if you look around you see that everywhere, and I'm not even talking about JU.

---You also mentioned that sometimes a blogger will remind us of someone we had issues with in our past, or touch on some subject that just frosts our ass, period. This too can provoke an unexpectedly hostile response, and I wrote about it myself in an article titled "Secret Buttons."---

Do you think the people who you have disagreements with could ever become your friends? I know from reading you you have become good friends with people you argued with. I remember my grandmother trying to tell me you could become friends with anyone even your enemies. I believe it to a certain extent, but if someone hates me I can't change that nor should it be up to me to try. If I seen an enemy trying I would me them halfway.

---I'm glad that you've opened your mind, not just to me but to the others who blog here. Yes, our words can and DO give a good indication of our character, but only over time...you have to read someone regularly to get a good angle on what makes them tick, and what they're really like. Its not something that can be determined by haphazard, hit and miss reading, or the content of random remarks that you may be exposed to on third party threads.---

I'm glad I did, too. It makes you enjoy more articles. You actually read a blog and get what you get out of it. It's so much better reading with a positive view than a negative view. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud when I see some bloggers constantly leave mean or rude comments, which has nothing to do with what the author worked hard writing. I mean, how pathetic can some people be.
on Aug 22, 2006
Dr.Guy:

---YOu are right Udigit.---

Of course I am! only kidding.

--- We only know people here by how much they want to share here on JU. But is that not unlike our neighbors as well? Most of my neighbors dont air their laundry in public, so all we know of them is what they chose to share.---

Well, I'm going to come off as sounding bad, but I never been one to talk to my neighbors. Sure I wave to my neighbors, say hi and converse every now and then, but I never wanted anything more than that. I really don't know why. This may sound sad, but I talk to more people here than I do my neighbors. I definitely feel I know more about some people here than I do them.

---The differnce is that with our neighbors, there is a physical connection, where as here, there is only a mental one.---

Out of a physical connection or a mental one, which would you prefer? If I had a choice I think I would choose a mental one. I think I would get to know them better, and they would know me better. I'm sure to have both a physical and a mental connection would be the ultimate, but how often do you really get it with neighbors? Or am I the exception not the rule?
on Aug 22, 2006
Zoologist03:

---Very good article, by the way---

Thank you, Zoo

---I've never really, "not liked" anyone on here...besides some trolls and flamers...but they eventually pass. I just stay out the way if two bloggers are fighting it out.---

I always stay out of the way if they are fighting. Sometimes it you who gets hurt if you step in the middle. Just let them go and hopefully they will work it out. I know when I'm arguing with someone in real life it pisses me off when someone tries to get in the middle, especially if they have no idea what the fight is about or no idea how well I know or don't know the person arguing with me.

--- I've never blacklisted anyone...although I may be guilty of prejudging some people...I still usually read their articles and usually they change from the one dimensional view I might have seen in one or two of their articles. With continued reading, you may see the author as a more three dimensional or real person...with many different facets of their personality instead of the crazy ranting they do or plain craziness in some cases. It's basically just like meeting people in person...but a bit more tricky.---

Very well said, Zoo. I think you're right it IS a bit more tricky.
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