Published on August 20, 2006 By uDigItTheMost In Blogging
This blog is inspired by Dr. Guy's Real Democracy article and Little Whip's Label one.

I'm not a regular here. I came in here about 14 months ago, and mostly read a lot of different articles by a lot of different bloggers before attempting to write my first. There are many in here who write interesting, thought-provoking, entertaining and/or funny blogs, and in those articles we form an idea of who the author is. We then base an opinion on the author solely on their writings. Either from an article and his or her comments on their or someone else's blog. But is that fair?

The reason I ask is we can't hear the tone of voice in which the writer is writing. So we could easily misinterpret their comments as negative or hostile if said writer's articles were also viewed as such. I think if one can write well, chances are, they are way more than one dimensional, and should be treated as such.

Just because a person writes a rant, should we think they are that way all the time? Should we think they are "out of it" if we don't agree with their rants? We must remember everyone is different. We all don't act or react alike. We all have bad days where our actions may be ours, but don't define who we are.

Just because you handle your emotions one way doesn't mean the person who doesn't do it your way is wrong. Nor does it make you wrong. It only means people are different in so many different ways. Differences shouldn't be feared or disliked. They should be welcomed because, to me, the more you know and accept those differences, the better you become. Not only as a writer, but as a person.

Like I said earlier, I mostly read when I first came here. It actually became addicting. I seen arguments. I seen young bloggers trying to make their mark. I seen excellent written articles not only on the forums, but off the forums as well. Did I form opinions on these writers? Probably so. Was it the right opinion? Probably not.

For example, when I first read Little Whip's articles and comments I didn't like her. I thought to myself, "Who does she think she is?. See, based on a few blogs and comments from her, I already had in a way pre-judged her. Was I basing my opinion on Sabrina or on the Little Whip persona? Or was I basing it on a person I met in my past that maybe had one characteristic of Little Whip?

I think it was the latter. I didn't know Sabrina or Little Whip so why should I take a harsh view towards her, especially from words she wrote. The words weren't directed at me, and I didn't know the history between her and the person she was disagreeing with. So if her words really annoyed me it had to be something inside of me. Maybe it took me back to a place where someone talked to me in such a way. Maybe I was too young and scared to defend myself against a bigger and stronger foe. Maybe I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone do it to me again. Maybe I wanted to beat the hell out of my tormentor, but since I don't see them I look for someone anyone who remind me of them. Either way it's my dilemma. I would be a complete fool to hate someone new for a problem I had in the past.

I read Little Whip's articles now with an open mind. In fact, I do with all fellow bloggers. Do I agree with everything she writes? Of course not, but I do try to see things from all angles, and I know when I do disagree it's because I disagree and not because I dislike her for a comment she made in 2005. In my opinion, she's nowhere near as bad as everyone thinks. Under her rough exterior lies someone with a big heart.

Before someone thinks I'm defending Little Whip or that we are friends or I'm trying to get in her good graces let me say this, I'm defending everyone. LW and I are not friends, which doesn't mean I dislike her. It only means we don't know each other. There's many here I don't know, but still enjoy reading. I didn't write this blog to get in LW's or anyone else's good graces. I think anyone who is honest and respectful in what they write would be enough for her and anyone else.

The whole point of my article is before you decide to dislike someone here strictly because of a comment or two you should ask yourselves if it's really them you despise or something deeper in your past. Just because a person may have one characteristic of someone you disliked doesn't mean he or she is the same person. Give them the benefit of the doubt before judging so harshly. Who knows, you may get a friend from it, and you can never have too many of them.

Comments (Page 2)
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on Aug 22, 2006
Ever hear the saying "an ex friend is the worst enemy?" Strangely enough, I've occasionally found the opposite to be true, "an ex enemy can be the best friend."


I think they make better friends because they've seen the worst of it from you, and the fighting between you is in the past. The issues might still be there, but you can avoid them or discuss them reasonably (and probably still not agree, but that's okay when you're friends!)

As for friends turning to enemies, it's the same thing, only backwards. They know you, and what buttons to press. Also, they have the feeling that the friendship is in the past, so why bother reviving it?
on Aug 22, 2006
We only know people here by how much they want to share here on JU. But is that not unlike our neighbors as well? Most of my neighbors dont air their laundry in public, so all we know of them is what they chose to share.---


I have a neighbor of 2 years now, fianlly after one and a half years she felt she could trust me enough to tell me how things are in her life. I'd never repeat them here, even though you'd never meet her. Why? it's a trust issue. I think that's part of the whole blogging thing, you can share, disclose, and not worry too much about it getting back to your neighbor, ect. Look out though for bosses!!

Well, I'm going to come off as sounding bad, but I never been one to talk to my neighbors. Sure I wave to my neighbors, say hi and converse every now and then, but I never wanted anything more than that. I really don't know why. This may sound sad, but I talk to more people here than I do my neighbors. I definitely feel I know more about some people here than I do them.

---The differnce is that with our neighbors, there is a physical connection, where as here, there is only a mental one.---

Out of a physical connection or a mental one, which would you prefer? If I had a choice I think I would choose a mental one. I think I would get to know them better, and they would know me better. I'm sure to have both a physical and a mental connection would be the ultimate, but how often do you really get it with neighbors? Or am I the exception not the rule?


I think it's the whole trust issue as I mentioned above to Dr. Guy, when you meet a new neighbor it takes time to form a relationship, and while you have the tone of voice, body lanuage, gestures, facial expressions that you don't have here, you don't feel secure for a long time.
I like to know who's living in my neighborhood, to some degree. I like to be able to know who's cars belong in the parking lot, ( small community) who's walking through or cutting across my lawn, and stuff like that. I don't necessarily want to form friendships with neighbors though, what I"ve seen of some of them scares me off real fast, abusive boyfriends/husbands, heavy drinkers that fight after inbibing, you know...it's just not what i want in my life so I sure don't think you're at all in the minority there!!
on Aug 23, 2006
Little Whip:

---I put the word 'hate' in quotation marks because I can honestly say I've never actually hated anyone i've come to know here, (even the vile dabe, who made me laugh as often as she made me shake my virtual fist at the screen.) Disliked, sure. Disliked intensely? You bet! Found infuriating? Bingo. But hated? Nahh.---

I really dislike the word myself. I don't think I could ever find myself hating anyone here. But again it's easy for me to say since I don't blog in here as often as I would liked, nor am I controversial in any way. If I were a prolific writer who wrote articles which incited hot debates, and also left honest but rude comments that left many in here to dislike me to the point of attacking me, just for the sake of attacking, because of the 'hate' they had for me. Would it make me in turn 'hate' them? I would like to think I would be above it, but I honestly don't know.
on Aug 23, 2006
Jythier:

---As for friends turning to enemies, it's the same thing, only backwards. They know you, and what buttons to press. Also, they have the feeling that the friendship is in the past, so why bother reviving it?---

Well said. I also think a lot of times when good friends get in disagreements what is said hurts more, which in turn makes it hard to try to capture your friendship back because each are feeling the other should make the first move. When neither does it makes both think their friend never cared so things only go downhill from there. And who knows, a friendship could've been saved if one of them was just the "bigger man".
on Aug 23, 2006
Trudy:

---I think it's the whole trust issue as I mentioned above to Dr. Guy, when you meet a new neighbor it takes time to form a relationship, and while you have the tone of voice, body lanuage, gestures, facial expressions that you don't have here, you don't feel secure for a long time.
I like to know who's living in my neighborhood, to some degree. I like to be able to know who's cars belong in the parking lot, ( small community) who's walking through or cutting across my lawn, and stuff like that. I don't necessarily want to form friendships with neighbors though, what I"ve seen of some of them scares me off real fast, abusive boyfriends/husbands, heavy drinkers that fight after inbibing, you know...it's just not what i want in my life so I sure don't think you're at all in the minority there!!---

Even in neighborhoods where my neighbors have seem cool I still haven't gotten close to them. I have no idea why. I been invited to parties and haven't gone. I prefer to be friendly from a distance. The only time I was the perfect neighbor was when I lived in Buffalo, my next door neighbors were aerobic instructors, but that's a whole different story.
on Aug 23, 2006
The only time I was the perfect neighbor was when I lived in Buffalo, my next door neighbors were aerobic instructors, but that's a whole different story


LOL!
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