Every girl crazy 'bout them
Sunday night while watching television, my GF asked me if I noticed anything about her socks. I'm pretty proud of myself, despite watching "Desperate Housewives", more specifically Eva Longoria, I did notice that she had on two different socks. Now had it been Salma Hayek on the screen I might not had notice if one foot was bare and the other in a clown shoe.
It wasn't as bad as she thought. Both were white, the same length and since the only difference was the color stitching at the toes, with socks on no one was the wiser. Unlike what happened to me once.
I woke up at 5 am for work. Like most days when I wake up, the first thing I do is turn off the alarm then look at the time on the alarm clock. Even though the alarm or time has never been wrong in the 250 plus or minus times a year 5 years running, I still hold out for that split second hoping somehow the time on the clock miraculously jumped ahead 2 hours, giving me more of the precious sleeping time I so desperately need. Of course I only think of my precious sleep in the morning, not while I'm still up past midnight the night before. I'm one of those guys who while out and about will look at his watch and say, "Well if I get to bed by midnight I'll still get 5 hours of sleep." Then later say, "Well if I get to bed by 2 I'll still get 3 good hours."
Grabbing the TV remote, I turned on the TV and see for myself it's 5:08am. I turn off the TV, and walk in the dark to the hallway. I turn on the hall light, I grab a pair of boxer-briefs and head for the shower, hoping the water will get my blood flowing and put some pep in my step.
Afterwards I sit back on my bed, and only using the hall light I dress for work. I grabbed socks from a laundry basket on the floor, from another basket I grabbed khaki shorts, put on my still new work boots, grabbed a company polo shirt from a hanger, and I'm dressed to go. Well dressed to go to work.
I get to work still feeling a little groggy. Walking in I'm beating myself up for not getting enough rest. I take out my employee card, the entrance door has one of those electronic devices where you need to swipe your card to enter. E.C., a co-worker, is walking up the same time as me and as he swipes in, he turns and looks at me and says, "What's with the socks? You trying a new style?" Still in my dazed I look down and start laughing. I have one white sock that is low cut, it's just above the ankle, and the other is halfway up my knee. At least it was white.
I push the sock down to match the height of the other sock. but it was still noticeable. I come up with a solution. Since my new boots are a tad big on me, I decide I'll push the excess of the sock up front till it matches the other sock. It would make for a tight fit, but remember the old motto, "It's better to look good than to feel good."
I went to the restroom, fixed my sock and no one was the wiser. Well no one except E.C.. Feeling much more more confident no one will notice my Mutt and Jeff socks, I walk into the breakroom , and talk and joke with a few people, grab a coffee, well my version of coffee - a ice-cold Pepsi. Well just like I figured no one noticed, and was feeling happy no one seen my own goofy wardrobe malfunction.
I go to my locker, grab my pens and put them in my shirt pocket. They don't go into my pocket though so I try again. Again they don't go in my pocket. "What the hell? Am I that tired?", so I look down and my shirt is inside out. "Damn it!!" I walk fast to the restroom and look in the mirror, not only is my shirt inside out but the collar isn't out, it's folded inside under it's self. "Are you kidding me?"
I fixed my shirt and on my way back I see E.C. and I asked him, "Hey, did you see my shirt? It was inside out"
He said, "Yeah, I know"
I said, "Yeah you know?? Why didn't you tell me?
"I thought you wanted it like that "
"Why would I want it like that?!"
"I don't know"
"Why did you mention my socks but not my shirt?"
"I thought maybe you didn't have no more clean shirts so you wore a dirty one inside out"
How could I argue with logic like that?
Well at least I know why no one noticed my socks.
BTW ... If you're ever browsing through a men's style magazine at a hair salon, doctor's office or bookstore, and you see models wearing mismatch socks and inside out shirts you know who started it. Me, a real trendsetter.
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