My Response to Maso's Writing Challenge
I feel sick. My stomach is turning. At first from not eating all day then from anxiety. See, it's still light out, and I hardly ever leave home while the sun is still out. I'm no vampire, but I am a monster. A modern day Elephant Man.
I live in New York City. My sister and I share an apartment on the 14th floor. Apartment 14B. I know it says 14th floor, but since there's no 13th floor, we technically live on the 13th floor. They say the number 13 is bad luck, well it has been for me and my sister.
My sister lost her husband 3 years ago. My brother-in-law was one of New York's finest, who one night while off-duty was killed while trying to stop a robbery at a fast food place. Since then my sister is very much my cell mate in our prison at 14B.
Although we are 8 years apart we have always been very close. She and her husband took me in after I quit high school at age 16. He got me a job as a security guard the very next week, and it's where I been for the last 5 years. I work the night shift from 9pm to 5am. I like working there. I can not only read my books all night I don't have to deal with any people. People staring at my hideous face. People being repulsed by my looks. People feeling pity. People laughing. People gasping and pointing me out as if I'm some carnival freak show attraction. Who knows? Maybe I am.
I put on my coat and grab my oversized stocking cap and put it on over my disfigured head. I don't know if it even fits right since I stopped looking at mirrors years ago. I open the front door, and look out in the hall. The coast is clear. I press the button for the elevator. Please God, let the elevator be empty. I'm suppose to go see my boss to fill out some new insurance papers. I wish i could just sign them at work and he could pick them in the morning. The elevators doors open. Lucky for me it's empty. Yeah right lucky for them.
I always take the same way to work - the long way. I leave out the back, walk down an alley, go down one busy street then down some more alleys until I get to work. Following alleys I don't run into people. The only people I do run into is on the one street I do have to walk on. It's a 2 block area. Half is filled with new fashion stores and half filled with street walkers. I'm not too keen on the clothing stores since it's making the street more crowded. The hookers are no problem. Most don't stare, and if they do most are truly friendly. Maybe they have had a rough life too. Whatever it is they aren't as judgemental. I'm kinda ashamed to admit I have used their services before. It's the only way I would ever know the touch of a woman.
I walk down the alley and take a left on the street where the shops are, and though it's fall I'm sweating like a pig. I keep my head down with my eyes only on the sidewalk. I have always avoided eye contact. I am walking at my usual fast pace when I see red ruby slippers. I smile. They belong to Dorothy. Dorothy wasn't her real name. I only called her Dorothy because of her red ruby slippers. I secretly love Dorothy. I always wonder why she is where she is. She has a brain and a heart, and I don't have the courage to ask for her services. I don't want her to reject me. I have this weird fantasy that if I ever get the chance to show her my true love and true self as I make sweet love to her she will see the inner me, and accept me as not only a human being but as also a mate.
Dorothy smiles at me. My heart races, and for a split second I actually feel normal. But only for a split second. Two hookers, who i never seen before, scream and point at me, "Look at that ugly motherf*cker!!" "Is he some kind of alien?!!" " Hey E.T. get the f*ck outta here" "Yeah, no one wants your disgusting ass" I turn around and start walking away. Dorothy tries to comfort me but I don't want pity so I run back to my apartment.
I call up my boss and tell him not only can't I make it in to sign the papers I also wouldn't be able to work tonight. It will be the first day I ever miss.I see a note from my sister has left me saying she is going shopping and might be home late. So I open a bottle of whiskey and I hammer it down. I need to get drunk. I need a place to escape to. A place where I fit in. Maybe that place doesn't exist.
I feel sick. My stomach is turning. Maybe I shouldn't drink on an empty stomach. I feel like throwing up. I run to the bathroom and as I'm hugging porcelain I come up with a plan. Since my plan of being with Dorothy is over I decide I will make those two b*tches pay. The ones who humiliated me in front of my love. I will find them and kill them. I will cut them into pieces. I go find my knife and start sharpening it. I also start drinking whiskey again. As I said before I lack courage.
Time is jumping now. It seems only seconds ago I was drinking whiskey and now I walking down the street where those 2 whores will meet their fate. I hide in an alleyway. It's pitch dark, and no one can see me. No one can see my hideous face or see the hatred and anger building up in me. I wait, my anger grows and I'm getting impatient. My anger is boiling now. Is it the whiskey or me being tired of the way I look? I decide I'm going to kill anyone now. Whoever is the next person walking down the dark street.
I hear heels clicking on the sidewalk. It's getting closer. Adrenaline flows through my body. She's almost near me. I can see her silhouette right next to me. A whore is gonna die tonight.
I grab her and punch her hard in the face. Then I hit her in the mouth twice. I pull her deeper into the alley behind a dumpster. It's pitch black. It's perfect. I will cut her up and dump her body in the dumpster. I put my hand in my coat and feel my knife. The razor sharp blade any surgeon or more appropriately any butcher would envy.I grab her by her ankles to start carving and notice my victim is missing a shoe. It must be back at the sidewalk. The shoe is evidence. I need to go back and get it. I softly walk in the darkness until I reach the sidewalk. I feel around with my foot as I look around making sure I'm not seen. I feel the shoe with my foot , and while still keeping an eye I'm not being watched pick up the shoe and look at it.
I feel sick. My stomach is turning. In my hand I'm holding a red ruby slipper. Omigod, it's Dorothy. It's my Dorothy back at the dumpster. What have I done? I run back through the darkness. I kneel down beside her, and she's still out cold. I gently put her shoe back on and I stroke her face. I'm so sorry, Dorothy I'm so sorry. I stroke her hair. Damn, she smells so nice. I hope her beautiful face isn't too bruised. I kiss her face. Then I don't stop. I open up her coat and move my hands over her body as I'm still kissing her.
I don't know if it's the alcohol or my desire to finally be with a woman who treats me like a real person, but I have to make love to her. I take my knife out and cut down the front of her dress. I feel her bare skin. It's so soft and smooth. Exactly how I dreamt it was. I cut away her bra and panties. I put the knife and her panties in my coat pockets. I run my hands over her naked body. I run my mouth over it, kissing her all over.
I suck her perfect breasts and kiss my way down her tummy until I'm between her legs. I'm no expert at oral. Dorothy will be my first, but I'm in love so I give her my best. She taste wonderful. Her body just shook. Is she awake? I get up and Iisten. I don't hear nothing but my heavy breathing. I better hurry before she does wake up. I pull my pants down and mount her. I almost explode sliding into her. I wait again, partly to listen to see if she's awake, and partly because I don't want to come so soon.
I catch my breath and start again. Faster and then faster. I hear nothing now but the sound of me. I'm in my own happy world. "Aah" She made a noise. I heard a noise. Did she say something? "Aaahh" Omigod, she's awake. "Oooh faster" Did I hear her right? I can't make out what she is saying since her mouth is swollen from my punches. I'm very nervous now. She is talking more. "Oh yes it's been so long since I felt this way" It gives me confidence to continue. "Oh God don't stop. Please don't stop" I knew it. I knew if I could make love to my Dorothy, and she felt my love I'd have a chance.
"Who are you? Please tell me. I won't call the cops. Tell me who you are so we can be together. Please let me see you." See me? You don't want to see my face. "Please tell me. I haven't felt this way in years. I almost forgotten what love feels like." I love Dorothy, but she could never love me. Maybe she thinks she can but my ugliness would finally get to her. I told you I lacked courage. "Please tell me who you are. I would like to see you again." I get up and take off running, and I don't stop until I get home. My sister still isn't home so I grab the whiskey bottle, go to my room and lock the door. I lay back in bed and take a big swig. It's only 9:20pm. Let me close my eyes for a second.
I open my eyes. It's 10:20. I fell asleep for an hour. Wait, it's light outside. Damn, I fell asleep for 13 hours. My head is killing me. I see the empty whisky bottle. No wonder. Maybe last night was only a dream. I grab my coat and check the pockets. In one side is my knife and in the other side is a pair of sliced panties. F*ck! So it wasn't a dream. I open my door. I don't see my sister but a wonderful smell from the kitchen hits my nose. It makes me realize how starving I am. I go inside and see a note from my sister.
Bro,
I made breakfast for you, sleepy head.
I'm in the shower.
You better tell me why you didn't got to work last night
Love,
Your Big Sis
I start eating and hear my sister behind the bathroom door. "Are you awake?" Smiling I tell her I am. "You wanna go shopping with me today? I'm buying." Wow, she must be in a good mood. I'm about to tell her 'no thanks' when I see some material in the trash. I wonder what it is. "Come on go with me. It'll be fun." I get up , take the material from the garbage. I look at it. F*ck! It's a dress that has been cut in front. Think now. I took Dorothy's panties, but did I take her dress too? I was drunk, but I know I didn't take the dress. Now if I didn't take the dress how did it get in our trash?? "I wanna take you to this new store. I bought a pair of new shoes there the other day. Wait until you see them you're gonna think I got them from the Wizard of Oz." Oh God! Please no. I run into my sister's bedroom, and there under her bed is a pair of ...
I feel sick. My stomach is turning.