And Why I Don't Go Anymore
As we get nearer to Halloween I'm seeing more and more ads for Haunted Houses. I'm really not a fan of them. It's not that I'm scared, I just never had great experiences at them.
When I was 12, some of my friends and I went to a Haunted House. It was fun until the little sister of one of my friends threw up all over my new shoes. They should have put that in their ad, "Our house is so scary you'll puke on someone's shoes".
When I was 15 I was excited about Halloween. I was going to work in a Haunted House. The Boys and Girls Clubs were having one, and they asked if I wanted to help. It didn't turn out as good as I thought. My job was to escort the customers through the house. It was okay until I escorted a group of Girl Scouts. About a third of the way through they got so scared they attacked ME. I got scratched, punched, kicked, bit, and my hair pulled. By the time we got out I was bleeding from my neck and ear, my shirt was ripped, and I was limping from the kicks to the groin area.
I bet I'm the only here ever physically assaulted by a Girl Scout troop. I know how Evander Holyfield felt fighting Mike Tyson. Actually I don't think Mike Tyson had anything on those girls. The unit director of the Boys and Girls Club just laughed and said, "Sometimes when people get so scared their first reaction is to fight back." Well they most certainly did. As a protest I wasn't going to buy anymore cookies from Girl Scouts ever again, but come on who can stay away from them peanut butter ones.
When I was 16, all my aunts and uncles from my father's side were having a Halloween party. Some of my cousins and I decided to stay at my aunt's house instead of going to the party. To kind of have a party on our own. My aunt had made us a big bowl of Chili and 2 pumpkin pies for us. There was 6 of us - 2 boys and 4 girls. All teenagers from ages 14 to 16. The girls wanted to go to a Haunted House on the edge of the small town my aunt lived in. I didn't want to go. I rather stay there and try to get my female cousins to call some of their friends over. My cousins called me a chicken, and started making chicken noises, "BAWK BAWK BAWK". Well, I wasn't scared I just thought it would be boring, but I relented and we headed to the Haunted House. It was a about a mile out of town, about a mile and a half from my aunt's place.
When we get there I did get scared. The house looked like the Bates' house from Psycho except this house was brick. It turns out I wasn't the only one scared, all my female cousins got scared, too. Somehow that made me braver and I decided to buy a ticket, but not before returning the favor to my cousins, "BAWK BAWK BAWK". They still refuse to go in, probably a good thing, too. You know what one group of females did to me already. So my male cousin and I go through the house, and it turned out to be very lame. They blew a great opportunity because they had perfect looking house.
We came out and all my female cousins aren't there. We look around for them but we don't see them. I asked the ticket lady and she says they had just gone in the house. Cool, I thought, since it takes about 15 minutes I'll get something to eat. I go to one of those concession stands on a trailer and order me a hot dog and a Coke. I eat the hot dog fast, and finish the filled-to-the-top-with-ice Coke just as quick. As I'm looking for a trash can the concession stand guy says it's behind the concession stand. I walk behind the trailer and see a steel 55 gallon drum with a garbage bag in it. I get about 5 feet or so from the can and throw my trash in. Just then some guy (or should I say some ass) in a werewolf mask jumped from a tree between me and the trash can. He landed then growled at me. It's funny how from that point everything seemed to move in slow motion. "Ah, a werewolf!!!!". I screamed in my head followed by "BAWK BAWK BAWK" followed by a "BAM" I hit him with a roundhouse right. A perfect punch.
He went flying back, hit the garbage can and both fell over. He landed on the can and then rolled to the ground, like a scene from a movie. I stood there looking for a split second then took off like a bat out of hell. I told my male cousin, "Run ! Run! Run!". He didn't even think about it he just took off with me. We were ass and elbows down the road, and didn't stop until we got to our Aunt's house. He asked me why we were running so I told him the truth. I told him I wanted to beat my cousins back. Okay so it WASN'T the truth.
When my females cousins got back they asked me why we didn't wait for them. As my male cousin and I were eating chili I told them the real truth. I answered, "We were hungry for chili and we weren't gonna wait for you guys all night". Well okay it WASN'T the real truth.
I don't think any of them ever knew what really happened that night, if they did they never said anything. I do remember thinking to myself, "That a**hole in the werewolf mask won't do that again!", and I was also thinking, "Damn! (The Unit Director at the Boys and Girls Club) was right. When you do get scared your first reaction IS to fight back".
But again just maybe I took the frustration of my Girl Scout beating the year before out on him.